I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
