The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
