I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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