So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
