this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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