9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
