i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
