do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
