Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Couch. On fire.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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