nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
