Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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