The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
