I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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