the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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