he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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