She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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