I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
