Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
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She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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