call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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