2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
