I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
