do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
