Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
