are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
