im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
