dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
