even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
