Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
