I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
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