i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
