Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
