so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
