I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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