I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
