the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
