I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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