At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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