So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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