I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
