she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Less talking, more tequila
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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