I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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