I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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