Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
