Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
