its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
