Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
