2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
