i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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