Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
