ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
