I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish life had little blips of pornography
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
