she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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