WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
