My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
