please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
