3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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