my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I didn't notice because vodka
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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