He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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