you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
you never un-have a 4some
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
