you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's shark week go big or go home
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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