So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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