We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
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Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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