He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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