Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
