Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
someone owes me an orgasm
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
