Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
