On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
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Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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