This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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