I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
