Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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