Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
