2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
