dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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