I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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