i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
