if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize