the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
