girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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