It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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