He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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