you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
