Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
